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How to Have the Best Relationship with Yourself

It’s never too late to build a solid relationship with the most important person in your life – YOU. Whether you’re a content creator or just someone seeking self-discovery, understanding and nurturing your connection with yourself is the ultimate game-changer.

 

Unlocking the Power of Self-Connection:

Amongst all the competing demands of life, our relationship with ourselves sets the stage for everything else. It’s not about being the “best friend” to yourself, but rather becoming a reliable companion and ally. Think of it as building the foundations of a strong, supportive friendship within.

Practical Steps to Strengthen Your Self-Relationship:

Crafting the best relationship with yourself is a journey filled with self-discovery, kindness, and growth. Here are some practical steps you can take to a fulfilling connection with yourself.

Set Intentions and Stay Aware:
Begin by setting a thoughtful intention to cultivate a positive relationship with yourself. Recognize that this is an ongoing journey, and your goals will evolve over time. Keep your eyes on the long-term, knowing that the path may meander but always leads to growth. Stay aware of your thoughts, feelings, and needs, adapting your approach as you grow.

Plan for Now, Soon, and Later:
Break down your self-relationship goals into manageable steps. Establish short-term habits that bring immediate joy, plan for middle-term milestones, and envision the person you want to become in the long term.  Balancing immediate gratification with long-term satisfaction is key. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress. A well-thought-out plan is your roadmap to success.

Embrace Change with Curiosity and Acceptance:
Change is inevitable, and that’s a good thing. Approach your self-relationship with curiosity. Embrace changes with open arms, understanding that growth is a beautiful, ever-evolving process. Accept yourself in each phase of this journey, appreciating the uniqueness that defines you.

Prioritize Basic Self-Care:
Your body and mind are the canvas of your self-relationship. Start with the basics – quality sleep, nutritious food, regular activity, and mental well-being. Nurturing your body and mind will lay the foundation for a resilient and sustainable self-relationship. Caring for your physical needs builds trust and affection toward yourself and your ability to prioritize your well-being.

Be Kind to You:
Work toward appraising yourself with kindness, avoiding destructive criticism. Act as your own cheerleader and appreciate your efforts and progress. Self-reflection doesn’t mean self-blame. Be honest and take responsibility, but do it with a gentle touch. You’re a work in progress, not a finished masterpiece. Self-kindness is the fuel that propels you forward, fostering a sense of pride and self-worth.

Surround Yourself with Supportive Souls:
Connect with people who align with your self-relationship goals. Positive relationships serve as models and support systems. Cultivate connections that uplift and inspire, forging connections with those who share similar self-growth goals. A supportive community provides understanding, encouragement, and a sense of belonging.

Blend Realistic Optimism with Action:
Perfectionism is the nemesis of sustainable change. Embrace a mindset of realistic optimism by setting achievable goals and building on them. Be patient and celebrate small victories – they pave the way for lasting transformation. Optimism becomes a powerful ally in sustaining positive change.

Create a Personal Crisis Plan:
Life brings challenges, of that we can be certain. Having a crisis plan is your anchor during stormy times. Anticipate challenges by having trusted individuals ready to provide perspective. Write down your thoughts, and remind yourself of your long-term goals during difficult moments.

Infuse Meaning into Activities:
Seek meaning in work, hobbies, relationships, and personal connections. Meaningful activities provide satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. Your passions contribute to a fulfilling existence – explore them with genuine curiosity and entertainment, enhancing the quality of your relationship with yourself.

Establish Positive Daily Habits:
Start each day with positive intentions. Remind yourself of your long-term goals, review key practices, and navigate your day with purpose. Although spontaneity is crucial, keeping your goals in mind ensures actions that support your self-relationship journey.

Speak Love to Yourself:
Be mindful of your inner dialogue. Notice when you’re being overly critical, slow down, and replace it with gentle, kind and supportive words. Conversations with yourself can be empowering – choose words that uplift and nurture. Transformative self-talk is a powerful tool for cultivating self-compassion.

Escape the “Selfish Trap”:
Challenge the notion that self-care is selfish. There is a difference between healthy self-focus and self-centeredness. Reject the idea that taking care of your needs is indulgent, and recognize that prioritizing your needs is a necessity for a thriving self-relationship. Overcome guilt associated with self-care. It’s not selfish – it’s necessary!

 

A Transformative Journey

Cultivating the best relationship with yourself is a transformative journey. Be patient, stay kind, and revel in the joy of self-discovery. As you nurture this connection, may you find profound happiness, resilience, and an unwavering love for the incredible person you are becoming. Embrace the adventure, celebrate progress, and enjoy the evolving connection with the extraordinary person you are!

If you need support, you can apply for subsidized therapy with Pineapple Support here.

 

Photo by De’Andre Bush on Unsplash

Love and Mental Well-Being: Tips for Improving Your Relationships

In life, relationships and feeling good go hand in hand, influencing each other in meaningful ways. As social beings, we naturally crave connection, sparking the question: do good feelings cultivate strong relationships, or do healthy relationships ensure well-being? The answer is a little bit of both.

 

Relationships and Mental Health

A study from Harvard University found that having people who care about us can make our physical, emotional, and mental health more stable. So, being happy and healthy is linked to the relationships we have. Taking care of these connections is as crucial as looking after our physical health.

In a supportive environment, we feel less alone, less anxious, and less scared. Having friends and family we can count on helps us ask for help before things get too hard, making us stronger when facing challenges.

But having lots of relationships isn’t the key – it’s about having good ones. It’s normal to have some problems with friends, family, or partners now and then, but they don’t have to be perfect. What matters most is knowing we can rely on our loved ones when times get tough.

Relationship Changes

In romantic relationships, a rough patch is common, but it’s the assurance that your partner will stand by you that matters most. If things turn bad or stay difficult for a long time, even being around people might not stop feelings of loneliness and sadness.

Breakups and relationship changes can be tough on our mental health. Feeling lonely and isolated can be significant problems. This also happens when we lose a job, retire, experience grief or go through periods without daily positive connections.

Experiencing conflict in the household doesn’t only stress the grown-ups; it can also detrimentally impact the well-being and development of children. In situations where one person uses fear to control another, it can make it hard for the adults and children involved to make and keep good relationships in the future.

Equally, when we’re not feeling good mentally, it can also affect our relationships. When dealing with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues, it can be hard to be interested in our loved ones and invest time or energy into creating  connection. People experiencing poor mental health might feel embarrassed and blame themselves, making it tough to feel close to others and disrupting the balance of mutual support.

 

Ways that you can improve your relationships:

  • To start, think about the relationships you currently have, and the sorts of relationships you would like to have. For example, you might want to make new friends, or strengthen your existing relationships.
  • If you want to strengthen existing relationships, reach out to people you already know, such as co-workers, family, friends-of-friends or neighbours. Suggest that you would like to be in touch more often, and organise to have a coffee, go for a walk, or do another activity you both enjoy.
  • If you are experiencing a period where you are not having daily interactions with other people, and are feeling lonely as a result, you may need to be more intentional in fostering existing relationships or making new connections.
  • If you want to make new friends or social connections, joining a club or group is a great idea. Check out your local community centre to see if there are any groups you might be interested in. Another option is using an app or a forum that brings together people based on common interests.

Good relationships take time and energy. Ultimately, every one of us needs good, supportive relationships to maintain our mental health, and good mental health to sustain our relationships. Remember that building new connections and working on existing relationships often takes time, but it’s always worth it. Be patient and congratulate yourself for doing something that’s been proven to have a positive impact on your emotional and physical wellbeing.

Get support when you need it

If you are experiencing mental health issues, it might feel impossible to put time and energy into our relationships, even if it’s with a close friend or family member, and even when we know it’ll help us in the long run.
It’s okay to ask for help and it’s also okay to take a break from relationships to focus on feeling better mentally when needed. Balancing both is tricky, and getting help ensures you take care of everything.

If you need support, you can apply for subsidized therapy with Pineapple Support here.

Substances and Harm Reduction

Written by Tom Howells

 

We’re all adults in the adult space, so pretending that drugs aren’t used by some of us doesn’t help anyone. What is helpful is real advice about changing behaviours in order to minimise the inherent risks. In light of tragic events within our industry we wanted to share some insight into safer drug use and what steps you can take to reduce risk to yourself and others if you do choose to use drugs/alcohol.

The most important step is to make sure you know what you are taking is what you’ve been told it is. That doesn’t mean asking the person you sourced it from, it means at least using test kits/fentanyl testing strips, or ideally full clinical testing (if available in your area). Fentanyl is becoming more and more commonly used to increase the apparent ‘potency’ of different drugs, and this synthetic opioid is 50 times more potent than heroin, so even trace amounts cut into your drugs can mean the risk is dramatically increased.

With cases of drink spiking on the rise it is also important to make sure your drink doesn’t get anything unwanted added to it. It’s incredibly important to watch your drink at all times, cover the top if you aren’t certain you can keep it safe, also some people feel safer drinking shots as there is less time for the drink to be tampered with before it is gone (although in this case it’s easier to drink more/more quickly than you wanted).  A large proportion of drink spiking is done by friends of the victim, and it can be meant as ‘fun’ or ‘a joke’ but the reality is the only person who knows what drugs somebody wants is that person themselves. Giving somebody something without their knowledge (even an extra shot of alcohol) can be the difference between fun or tragedy.

Equally important is keeping track of how much of your (hopefully tested) drugs or alcohol you are consuming. This is obviously hard to do on a night out but there are different ways to make that easier. Separating a large quantity into smaller doses in order to know your consumption, and how quickly you have consumed those drugs is a simple way of making sure you don’t end up going too far too quickly and causing yourself harm. That and only bringing the quantity you intend to consume will reduce the risk of unintentionally high doses. You can’t take what isn’t there!

Using alcohol/drugs when you’re emotionally distressed is a huge factor in how much risk you may place yourself in, it may be the reason you ignore the steps outlined above and take bigger risks and potentially bigger doses. This increases the risk of physical harm, but also the risk of harm to mental health. This coupled with the stigma surrounding drugs, the industry, and mental health is where Pineapple can help. Those facing tough times may feel their only solution is to hide their problems using substances, but relying on drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism can quickly spiral into addiction and further exacerbate mental health issues. Our team of therapists is there to make sure those facing these situations have a safe space to explore the issues that may lead them to abusing drugs and alcohol, and offer them help dealing with addiction. It can be incredibly hard for an individual to accept they need support and to reach out and ask, but our therapists ensure a completely safe space without stigma, and specific experience in the adult space giving them unparalleled insight into the issues we face.

Links:

Drugsdata.org – USA, accepts international postage. DEA licensed drug testing laboratory. Postal fixed location.

Energycontrol-international.org – Spain, European wide, accepts international postage. Fixed location.

Wedinos.org – UK based fixed location testing laboratory.

Wearetheloop.org – UK based pop-up testing clinics.

 

You are loved, we are listening – you are not alone. Apply for subsidized therapy with Pineapple Support here.

 

Photo by Shahadat Rahman on Unsplash

Pineapple Support Appoints Erika Love as Brand Ambassador

Pineapple Support, the adult industry’s leading mental health nonprofit, has appointed Erika Love its latest brand ambassador. The popular adult content creator joins ten other ambassadors in repping the org, including Eve Batelle and Sabien DeMonia.

 

Love, a veteran performer and content creator, will become a trusted point of contact for other performers, helping to extend the organization’s support and reach within the adult community for anyone that wants to know more about the organization or how to receive support.

 

“It’s an honor to join Pineapple Support and represent them as an ambassador,” says Erika Love. “For me, this brings together my passions for helping people, cause-marketing, and content creation. I want to help Pineapple Support grow and make a positive change in the adult industry. We all need help sometimes, and the services they provide our community are needed now more than ever.”

 

Pineapple Support was founded by British performer Leya Tanit in 2018, after a string of losses in the adult industry from depression and other mental illnesses. The organization, a qualified 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization in the United States, has connected over 10,000 adult performers to mental health services, including free and low-cost therapy, counseling, and emotional support.

 

“Our brand ambassadors play a crucial role within the adult community, helping to connect performers with mental health and emotional support services,” says Tanit. “Erika is well-known and respected within the adult community and I’m beyond thankful to her for using her status and network to champion mental health with other performers.”

 

For more information and to become a member of Pineapples United, the membership club for adult industry members, please visit Pineapplesupport.org/Pineapples-United. If you have a business and would like to find out how to become an official sponsor of Pineapple Support, view the available packages by visiting Pineapplesupport.org/sponsorship.

 

Pineapple Support To Launch Autism Support Group

 

Pineapple Support, the adult industry’s leading mental health nonprofit, will host a free, online support group with a focus on living with autism in the adult industry, sponsored by Chaturbate. The 6-week support group, “Sex Work on the Spectrum” will be led by Pineapple therapist Rachael Wells and will begin on Tuesday, February 21st at 5pm EST.

“Living with autism and being in the adult industry can provide amazing opportunities and additionally, at times, a sense of othering from the world,” says Pineapple therapist Rachael Wells. “Stimming, existing autistically, discussing the ups and downs of society and its relation to autism will all be covered.”

 

Pineapple Support was founded by British performer Leya Tanit in 2018, after a string of losses in the adult industry from depression and other mental illnesses. The organization, a qualified 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization in the United States, has so far connected over 8,000 adult performers to mental health services, including free and low-cost, therapy, counseling, and emotional support.

 

“Living on the autistic spectrum as a sex worker can present a unique set of challenges, which can be difficult to navigate alone,” says Tanit. “Supporting each other within the community, as well as gaining a deeper understanding can help to remove some of the shame and disconnection around living with autism. Together, we’ll validate, uplift, and celebrate autistic joy as sex workers, guided by talented autistic therapist Rachael Wells.”

 

The six-week “Sex Work on the Spectrum” support group begins on Tuesday, February 21st at 5pm EST. Sessions will last for around one hour and will take place online each Tuesday at the same time until March 28th. For more information about this support group and to reserve a place, visit pineapplesupport.org/support-groups.

Pineapple Support Launches Fundraising Competition For Mental Health Month

Pineapple Support, the adult industry’s leading mental health resource, has launched a fundraising campaignto raise money for mental health services, as part of mental health month this May. The organisation is hosting a competition to encourage performers to help raise funds and break the stigma around mental health in the adult industry.

The competition, which runs until May 31st, empowers performers to create their own fundraising page to support those struggling with mental health issues. Performers are asked to include a short personal story of why they want to raise funds to support mental health, to help break the stigma.

The performer that raises the most money will win a hamper of natural pamper products worth $250. The winner will be announced on May 31, 2021 when the competition ends.

“This year, the theme for Mental Health Month is ‘Nature’ and we would like to take this opportunity to unite with you, our supporters, therapists and friends, to help spread the word about what mental health means to you and break down the stigma surrounding it,” says Leya Tanit, founder and President of Pineapple Support. “We are asking you, our supporters, to donate what you can to help us continue providing our much needed resources. Whether you create your own fundraiser, donate, or merely share our fundraising page, you can help us to create a healthier and happier adult industry.”

Tanit founded Pineapple Support in 2018, after a string of losses in the adult industry from depression and other mental illnesses. The organisation, which is a qualified 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization in the United States, has so far connected over 2000 adult performers to mental health services, including free and low-cost, therapy, counseling and emotional support.

“May is mental health month, a time to speak up, support, educate and unite,” says Kelly Jones, AMFT, Pineapple Support Therapist. “We want people to help break the stigma surrounding mental health. The more we talk about it, the less shame and stigma there is.”

 

To donate to Pineapple Support’s fundraising campaign, visit https://secure.givelively.org/donate/pineapple-support-society/pineapple-support-mental-health-matters.

Those wishing to create their own fundraising page and enter the competition can do so at https://secure.givelively.org/donate/pineapple-support-society/pineapple-support-mental-health-matters/fundraisers/new.

Should you share your Life on Social Media?

Reaching out and providing support at anytime is important but even more so now.

Working from home has never felt so isolating and for most of us, admitting we are lonely and perhaps need help is one of the last things on our mind. For some unknown reason, that feeling of self-worth gets all screwed up in our head and finds its way out somewhat bitter and twisted. Sometimes we believe that everyone else should know how we are feeling, even though they don’t actually live inside our head!

Social media has a big part to play in todays world as we assume that once we have pressed ‘Enter’, all of our friends and all of the friends of those friends will see our post and come rushing to the rescue. The truth is that very few people actually see your latest ‘out-pouring’, and those that do find it hard to accept and respond to such an open form of counselling.

It is also increasingly difficult as you get older to accept help, we seem to revert back to those teenage years where we believed that nobody understood us and everyone was in fact out to make our lives difficult. Being independent is fine (up to a point) but at some time in our lives we all need a little bit of help, or a shoulder to cry on.

Knowing who you can trust and speak to about such personal matters is the first key to being able to cope with any kind of pressure. You shouldn’t wait until you need the help either. Find out who your real friends are by really thinking about your relationship with them.

You may share all the positive things in your life with a group of people or one person in particular and all the negative issues with another. You may even be the type of person who doesn’t ever share anything about their private life with friends ever.

Whichever group you belong to and especially if you are on your own, you do need support from time to time.

Pineapple Support have made it their mission to provide free support and therapy for all persons working in the online adult industry. It doesn’t matter about your gender, sexual orientation, ethnic origin, social status or age. They provide support 24/7 and their team of sex-worker friendly therapists offer face to face, or online therapy to anyone who needs it.

Their ever-growing team are always looking for ways to raise extra funds so that they can provide even more help for professional coaching, therapy and counselling for those who require help and support.

Do what you can to help this amazing cause.

Love to you ALL

Carla Sez x

Adverse Childhood Events

Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs) Study-Physical Problems Due to Unresolved Trauma

How scary is this?  From 1995-1997, Kaiser Permanente, a huge hospital in Southern California studied over 17,000 patients for this study.  It asked questions about abuse and neglect that these patients may have received as a child such as: emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, etc.  What the study found was that people who were abused or neglected emotionally as children had a whole host of medical problems as adults.

These “events” made their brains develop differently than people who didn’t have abuse or neglect in childhood. This resulted in problems with thinking, socializing, and emotions. This led to risky health behaviors such as poor dietary and exercise habits, eating disorders, ignoring illness, addiction, and general bad self-care. Ignoring health led to in increased number of serious medical diseases such as diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure, and so on.  It also resulted in social problems such as not being able to get along with others, having a poor support system (if any), and mental illness. This all results in early death due to complications of all of these issues.

It is normal for children to numb themselves or forget that abuse and neglect occurred.  As adults those memories may break through and we may start to recall more than we want to.  As we age many people try to distance or numb themselves from these thoughts, feelings and memories by “self medicating,” and abusing food (eating disorders), alcohol, drugs, tobacco, sex, or other things.

“ Persons who had experienced four or more categories of childhood exposure, compared to those who had experienced none, had 4- to 12-fold increased health risks for alcoholism, drug abuse, depression, and suicide attempt; a 2- to 4-fold increase in smoking, poor self-rated health, ≥50 sexual intercourse partners, and sexually transmitted disease; and a 1.4- to 1.6-fold increase in physical inactivity and severe obesity. The number of categories of adverse childhood exposures showed a graded relationship to the presence of adult diseases including ischemic heart disease, cancer, chronic lung disease, skeletal fractures, and liver disease. The seven categories of adverse childhood experiences were strongly interrelated and persons with multiple categories of childhood exposure were likely to have multiple health risk factors later in life.”  ACEs study by Vincent J Felitti, MD, FACP; Robert F Anda, MD, MS; Dale Nordenberg, MD; David F WIlliamson MS, PhD; Alison M Spitz MS, MPH; Valerie Edwards BA; Mary P Koss, PhD; and James S Marks MD, MPH.

“Over the past 10 years, more than 20,000 American children are believed to have been killed in their own homes by family members. That is nearly four times the number of US soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. The child maltreatment death rate in the US is triple Canada’s and 11 times that of Italy. Millions of children are reported as abused and neglected every year.” http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-15193530.  Sadly, abuse is not rare.

Is there is a chance that you were abused or neglected but you’re not sure?  Or maybe you are sure that it happened. Do you tell yourself, “It’s not that bad?”  Does it cause you shame to think or talk about this? If so, you’re not alone as most people feel this way.  But I would like you to remember, you were a victim, you were a child and you didn’t have the power to stop it.  You may doubt that, but it is true. As an adult you are empowered to talk about this with someone who understands and can support you.

OMG, am I gonna die?!  Well, yes, eventually we all do.  However, if you have a history of abuse and neglect you can get medical attention and regular check ups, eat right, exercise and be more health conscious.  You can meet with a therapist who can help you look at the ways that this abuse or neglect has impacted your emotional health, relationships, etc as well. It is possible to be of healthy body and mind and it is a good thing to strive for.  You are now educated and have the choice to ignore this or empower yourself to go get some help.

Some information taken from the following link where you can get more information: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/about.html

 

WIshing you much happiness, love, and laughter!

Mechele Evans, LCSW

 

Why You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself

We might think we feel ashamed when we don’t do the things we set out to do. For instance, when we overindulge, skip the gym, or put our foot in our mouths. But what we are feeling in these instances is not shame, it’s guilt. We often use these terms synonymously but they are actually very different.

Guilt is ‘I did something bad’; Shame is ‘I am bad’.

Guilt alerts us when we do wrong whereas shame is when we feel inherently wrong. This may sound counterintuitive but sometimes feeling ashamed is the best thing for us. (Stay with me here). I am not saying that we should feeling bad about who we are. I am saying that often we already feel shame and we don’t realize it.

The most common cause of anxiety and depression is what psychologists call negative schemas – or long-held beliefs about ourselves – such as ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am not smart enough,’ or ‘I am unlovable’.

We develop these negative self-beliefs when we are children. Often we have no idea that we have them but they influence every decision that we make. When we cling too tightly or reject a romantic hopeful, a negative schema is often to blame. It makes sense when we think about it: if deep down you believe that you are unworthy of love, wouldn’t you be overly anxious about losing someone you care about?

The tricky thing is that shame hides, even from ourselves. Most the time we don’t realize we feel it because it is buried under other emotions. It’s often the culprit behind defensiveness, perfectionism, and people-pleasing.

You’ve got to feel it to heal it.

The only way to stop the negative influence that our schemas and the subsequent shame have on our lives is to identify them. When we uncover negative self-beliefs, we can finally challenge these beliefs and change them.

Some positive news about negative schemas: they are never true.

1) Schemas are based on a child’s logic. Like most child logic, there is a hint of truth mixed with a whole lot of supposition. When we are children, our brains construct schemas to make sense of our surroundings and to help us survive in the world. For instance, a schema like, ‘I am not good enough’ stops us from trying new things and consequently protects us from the pain of failure.

2) Children blame themselves for much of what goes on around them. Children tend to attribute trauma – parents divorce, Grandma’s stroke, or the departure of anyone important – to their own shortcomings. Which is one reason why, ‘I am unlovable’ and ‘I am not good enough’ are the most common schemas.

3) Schemas are overly simplistic. Another very common schema, ‘I am not smart enough,’ is a great example. We may get terrible grades at school but academic tests are only one of many ways to measure intelligence. There are (at least) nine other types of intelligence including interpersonal, physical, creative, and emotional.

Uncovering your negative self-beliefs is just the first step.

Negative schemas are stubborn. They’ve been in our brains for a long time and won’t disappear the moment we uncover them. We’ve got to work at it. I’ve written a number of posts explaining how shame and our inner critical voices harm us. And what steps we can take to change them. Check it out at http://themonkeytherapist.com/category/guilt-shame/