Becoming Aware Of Suicide

As September draws to a close I thought it only right to speak about my becoming aware of suicide and all that I have learned since starting my journey with Pineapple Support back in January 2018.

Suicide awareness… I used to think this was a ridiculous statement… everyone is aware that suicide exists. But now, after everything I have learned over the past 9 months I understand that suicide awareness is not about being aware of the existence of suicide, it is about being aware of why it happens and being aware of what people go through, not just those willing to take their own life, but also those who are left behind.

“A selfish act”, I hang my head in shame when I admit to you now that this was my attitude. “How could someone do this to their family?” “Do they not think about all the people that they are leaving behind?”.
Yes, when a person is at a point in their life where they feel that death is their only escape, they most likely are thinking of themselves, or they could be thinking that the world would be better off without them. Either way they are not thinking logically about the devastation and broken hearts left behind. They are in an introspective world where the dark voices in their heads are the only ones they can hear. The feeling of anger at those who chose to leave us is a perfectly natural emotion, a part of the healing process and not one that should be brushed aside.

So many people have reached out to me personally to tell me their stories and I feel incredibly privileged that they have all been so open and candid when sharing their experiences. Opening up about not only the combination of emotions felt but also the legal and financial implications. It has been an education and one that I am extremely appreciative of.

It was in responses to the shocking number of suicides in the adult industry last year and the beginning of this year that Pineapple Support was launched. I hope with all my heart that with this education and the continued support of those inside and outside of the industry, we are able to offer guidance, therapy and hope to all those effected by such tragic experiences.

Love and Pineapples,
Leya Tanit

Our safeword.. Pineapple. Your safeword …CHRISTINA!

Hello Everyone,

As you know there have been a string of suicides again this past week. Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, and in our business.. Dave Slick. It sickens me and saddens me that so many think there is no hope and no one to turn to. I will admit I have had my lows, just like everyone else. But I have always had the strength to pull myself up and go on. Life is like a rollercoaster, without the lows and the unfortunate times you get turned upside down and lose what’s in your pockets.. you wouldn’t appreciate the highs and the wind blowing through your hair as you soar through the sky. I’m not sure if I’d really appreciate how lucky I am to be be alive if I had’t fought for my life back in 2006 like I did, and the long road back. That’s why I dedicate a good amount of time to help people that can not help themselves, to give the them some of my strength for just a moment. In my industry the there are more suicides and depression then ever before. There are a dozens of reasons why. But in our industry It always comes back to a soul trying to find a better place in this world, trying to feel good about themselves and make money. A lot of young people today turn to porn when they feel the rest of the world is shit, want to feel glamorous, and be a star. Unfortunately, 1000’s of others are doing the same. Sadly, with all the piracy none of us make enough money anymore to keep hiring the way we used to.  So the cycle continues as they search and search until they sadly enough can take no more. If you have not heard yet we have created a new support system for our industry talent.

Let me tell you a little bit about it before we move on to the fun stuff of the day:

OUR MISSION

We at Pineapple will provide 24/7 support for all industry performers. There will be no discrimination, judgment or stigma.

We will provide free and subsidized therapy, ensuring that every member of the Pineapple family is cared for should they need it.

We will create a safe, caring environment that every performer will be proud to be a part of.

We will alleviate the isolation felt by many performers by supporting each other, so that no one need ever feel lonely.

We shall promote mindfulness and positivity, being proactive in caring for our mental health.

We will spread happiness, we will be the change.

HOW CAN PINEAPPLE ACCOMPLISH ALL OF THIS?

With determination, elbow grease and a lot of support from you lovely lot.

Pineapple Support is a registered charity recognized in both the UK and the USA (pending approval), which means helping us can also help you. So please support our mission so we can carry on supporting you and the performers you love so much.

Everyone looks better with a smile.

Now that you know what it is, please be sure to send any performer that you see is having a rough time our way, or come to us and we will go help them. I am a trained listener on Pineapple as well a Director and Trustee. We are a charity, therefore, we do need donations to keep this going and to help as many performers as we can.

Too Strong To Be Weak

I like to consider myself a strong woman, I know myself, I love myself and I never pretend to be a person that I am not.

So why did I allow myself to be emotionally bullied to a point where I turned my back on a career that makes me happy?

Admittedly when I met this man I was in a delicate state, lonely and bored. Bored is always a dangerous one! He seemed so lovely, exciting, caring and the rock I so needed to lean against. He was aware from day one of what I did as a career and was supportive and apparently intrigued by it. Then everything changed, he fell in love, apparently, I don’t think a narcissist can know what love truly is. That is what he was, a narcissist, in the purest form. The only way he took pleasure was in putting me down, draining any ounce of positive energy I had. He would talk about my job and my friends as if they were tarnished, he would shout and scream at me if I so much as mentioned anything to do with the fetish industry, fuck, I couldn’t even put my hair in victory rolls without a bitter remark. In the end it just became easier not to talk or do anything that was remotely related, this included going to events and seeing my friends.

Of course once this was removed from the relationship he soon found other reasons to shout at me and put me down, and I put up with it. Why? For two years. Why?

Eventually I sorted myself out and kicked him out of my house, but it still confuses the shit out of me. How could I allow someone to make me feel this way? I know I will not do it again. Life is too short and too precious.